The Fight...

Ya know it seems like we're always fighting something...we're always coming against some sort of emotion or something that contradicts our ways of life. As young people, we fight things every day. We fight emotion, we fight carnality, we fight against music, we fight against ourselves, and we fight against each other.

My youth group has recently been fighting against a few of these things. Under our amazing leadership, we've prayed together, we've broken through, and we've made decisions to change our attitudes and ways of thinking. But, even as all these great things are happening, we're fighting things. We have things coming against us, tempting us, spilling lies into our minds, and distracting us from the breakthroughs and powerful moves of God we've had. It seems that as soon as we leave the prayer room or the sanctuary...old thoughts, emotions, and desires come flooding back to attack us. Then the devil tells us that we didn't really break through. He tells us that the crying and the speaking in tongues was just because we felt convicted, not because we broke through something and became stronger. I have been found guilty too many times of believing this lie. I've fought things and situations for months, years even, and after I get a breakthrough...I find myself fighting it again. Through my many yeeeeaaars of experience, and my overly abundant amount of wisdom and knowledge ;), I've discovered a few things.

I've discovered that regardless of who you think you are or what you think you've allowed yourself to become, you are powerful. Even during the moments where you fall, you have the power of God. When you think you're as far away from God and as deep into mess as you can get, His fire is still inside you. It doesn't leave. The moment you feel conviction after your breakthrough is the moment you need to realize that God is bigger than that and that He resides inside of you, regardless of your situation. You CAN refuse to succumb to a bad attitude. You can refuse to give in to the things you've fought over and over and you can become the person God has designed you to be. You have the ability to speak to those things in the name of Jesus and command them to leave. You're not too weak to overcome the things you've been fighting for years! It's absolutely retarded to just admit that you are a certain way and that you can't be better. I hate that that is something we all have or will feel sometime in our lives. God designed every one of us for greatness and it's up to us to take advantage of the spiritual authority that was birthed into us when we were born again. We can pray against these things in us and they WILL go away. It takes faith, believing and strength. Pray for these things. No, seriously....do it. :)

I Know There's More Than This.

Blog! Here I am! It's been a couple of days, I know...I missed you! It feels good to be back. My fingers feel MUCH better now that they're in the midst of communicating with you. :) How have you been?! I've been fine...ya know, normal.
I find it so funny that I talk about being abnormal so much...and yet normalcy always finds its way into my life. Ever since I was eleven years old, I've heard everywhere that pentecostals are supposed to be crazy. It should be something we desire to stand out, to be different, and to flow with the power of God. And we do! We all do those things...it's great. We're all different from the world. But...something inside me tells me there's more.
There's something more than the insanely powerful moves of God we all have each week. I don't think "more" as in something different. I think more as in more to the lives we lead. We all know some "super Spiritual people". There are people that just seem to stand out with their walk with God. There's people we respect (for me, like my old youth pastor) who have a hold on this incredible power and love...that is deeper than I or you could ever imagine. Why is it that only some people have that overwhelming anointing put on their lives? Why don't all of us have a hold that pulls us deeper every day and never takes breaks? Why is it so difficult for some of us to enter into the supernatural realm and lose ourselves in the arms that we belong in, yet so easy for others? Why are there so many of us that know what it is to experience the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues, but have never experienced Spiritual drunkenness? Why is it so easy for some to tap into the Spirit, but so difficult for so many others? There are so many questions that run into our minds when we see those people that everyone knows is special to God. So much adoration, and so many questions. Why do we desire what those powerful people have so much? I think it's because we were created for it. There's so much more to being apostolic than the standards, the doctrine, the music, and the normal, powerful moves in church service. I don't think I could ever fully understand it. But by seeing these people...I just know there's more to it. It doesn't seem possible because the Spiritual levels some of us have become familiar with are so spectacular! I can't even describe how incredible and amazing the places God has allowed me to go to in prayer...but, I know there's so much more. And I want it so bad!
We were created for deepness. I believe that statement with everything in me. We were created after the image and likeness of God...and that Guy's pretty deep. As humans, we were created with things inside us like passion and love that give us the capability of being in touch with so much realness and deepness. As apostolic pentecostals, we were installed with a deeper understanding of those things by the infilling of the Holy Ghost. I'm just convinced that we're not taking advantage of that understanding enough and using it to it's full potential. I know I'm not anyhow...that's for sure. I know there's more for me to explore in the Spirit. I've just got to get a hold of a greater desire for it and pray for direction in how to get there. I believe God gave us the ability to walk with the deepness of people like Lee Stoneking, and Joey Campatella, and even our pastors. I'm not saying He's called every one of us to be insane preachers. But He has given us the ability to be more than what we can imagine in Him. The only thing lacking is a great enough desire and determination. What does it take to go further than I've ever been? I'm pretty sure its desire and discipline. I'm not sure what yours or my next step should be in God. But, I know the only way I'm going to have a greater amount of either of those things is if God Himself pours it out on me. I'm going to have to ask Him every day to make me determined to do what it takes to go deeper. I don't want to get back to a deepness I was once at. I want to go further than that, and I never want to stop.
Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, help me! :)

So Me and My Friend are Going Boating Later:)

Do you ever just feel like barking? I mean the kind of barking you do on your hands and knees, or with your head out the window, or while you're chasing the mailman down the street. Do you ever get the desire to do that? I do... Okay maybe its not a huuuuge desire of mine...but with the right people or level of insanity being involved, I think it could be fun.
In case my topic of discussion hasn't made it obvious, I'm bored today, and my brain is wandering in the midst of silliness and stupidity. I like it. :) Not the boredom part, just the stupidity. Stupidity makes me laugh... Seriously, if you were to witness some of the stupidity that plays in my mind some days, you'd be hysterical. For real. I mean it.
Aaaaanyways. I'm happy. Lol From my last post, you can just go ahead and assume that I guess. But for real, I'm feeling content today amidst my boredom and brain games. I have a lot of anticipation for the future. I can't wait for someday soon when something crazy happens and my boredom goes away! But its not the kind of "can't wait" that really can't wait...I'm okay with chillin I guess. I'm stepping into some bigger shoes...at least I'm attempting to. The whole growing up thing is starting to tease me and torture me with the whole responsibility thing. Its exciting, but weird...I don't know if I like it. But, I am working on it... I'm just ready for whatever God has for me! I'm laughing at myself for being so anxious. I know God's got big stuff this year, I'm just bouncin' off the walls in excitement! But there's so much life going on around me already. Its really beautiful. Its a wonderful thing to see how nothing has to be happening for everything to be happening. (That makes sense in my head...) I mean I can be having one of the most boring days, like today, and yet my life is moving so fast and slow and forward and backward and upside down and so much is happening that I actually can't slow down or speed up or even think of doing either one of those things! Life's so hectic....even as I lie here on my bedroom floor amidst my clothes and shoes. There's so much going on, I'm bored with it. But I'm totally not at the same time. I'm ready for something new, but it's not impertinent that it happens now. I'm growing in the present, not the future. So I'm okay with the present. I guess. I'm just bored with being bored and not being bored with the things that occupy my time and mind! I sometimes wonder if I'm growing up too fast...I also wonder if I'm growing up too slow. I'm so immature....but, I know I'm not stupid. Sometimes I feel too mature, and like I should be doing more stupid stuff. But, knowing that that's immature and still wanting to do it makes me immature....right? Yeah. This is kind of a long, babbling post. I find it interesting, even though I truly hope nobody actually takes the time to read it all and realize how uninteresting I am. If you've read this, don't read this. Its sad and lame and looks like squiggles in my brain. You probably wouldn't understand.
Bye! :D

I'm Purty Happy, Not Gonna Lie. ;)

According to dictionary.com, happiness is the quality or state of being happy. Supposedly, it is the result of possessing or attaining what one considers to be good. This is true. Good things make people happy. I just want to express my opinion of what it takes to be happy. I’d like to type about true happiness according to me.

My entire life has been one of extreme emotions. I would really like to think of myself as a generally happy person…but, the truth is, I’m a psychopath. :)

I have a wide range of continuous emotions, and whichever I am focusing on is the one that identifies me. My emotions are so strong that they literally take over my mind… When I’m sad, my entire life falls apart into a huge sea of tears, and I drown in it. When I’m happy, I’m hilariously goofy, and my loud, obnoxious laugh annoyingly fills whatever space I’m occupying and about a 20 ft. radius outside of that. I literally lose myself in giggles, and sometimes get high from it. When I’m angry….oh geeze. I really scare myself and all those around me when I’m angry. My entire personality changes and all common sense disappears….I’m telling you, I’m a psychopath. :/

This being my seventh year as a teenage girl, I can tell you that I’ve been through my share of “life”. I’ve experienced every emotion imaginable, and( because of my psychoticness ) I’m sure they’ve been magnified to extents that you couldn’t understand (I’m also sure we’ve all felt that way). I’ve had an over abundance of drama, confusion, ugliness, loneliness, awkwardness, and fear. I now have the confidence to admit that I’ve had some darker emotional times. Thankfully, the Joy of the Lord, and the love of family and friends have helped me through those times. Now, I’m a new person…I'm a happy person. And I love the person I know I have the ability to become! :)

Still, I know I have these insane emotions… Because I know I have those, I’ve been scared of things in life that have the ability to get me down or make me angry. I’ve always been scared of those emotions, so I would avoid all people or things that might have caused me to come in contact with conflict. But now….something’s different in my head. Bad things still happen…and I still get “depressed” sometimes. I still get angry…I still cry once in a while…but I’ve learned a lot in the past few months. I’ve learned that being happy doesn’t just have to be temporary…and it doesn’t have to be something I have to fight to have. I can have happiness, despite what may or may not go on in my life. There are going to be many things that come and go in this life…good things in life will come and make you happier than you thought possible. Then, they might leave. It’s something that’s taken YEARS for me to understand, that happiness doesn’t have to be determined by what goes on in my social life. I’ve learned that being happy is something that I have the ability of CHOOSING to be. I’m learning that I don’t have to put my whole heart into things that come in my life to make me happy. I’m not saying I don’t love those things and want them to keep coming…of course, we all want things in our lives that make us happy. I’m saying that I don’t have to have what I think I need to have to truly be happy. One day, my life is going to take off, and God will make me indescribably happy happy until the day that I die. But for now….I’m not going to stress over what goes on in life. I’ve learned, through some recent talks with Jesus, that I have the ability to be satisfied with the small things He’s created. I’m noticing and realizing more and more how much that is true.

See, my mind works kind of the same way as my emotions…whatever is on my mind or in front of my eyes, usually consumes me. Since there are so many incredibly beautiful things in this life, my happiness can be made complete with just the simple thought of the word. I’ve been created with the ability to be happy. If I focus on the small, good things in life, I realize that regardless of what I do or do not have, my life is perfect. Even if I were to have no friends, no food, or no cute clothes, I could still be overjoyed just by thoughts of creation and the words that describe it. In the past, I’ve never thought about choosing to be happy…I’ve just flown with whatever emotion hit me and I’ve let it run its course. Now that I have this new knowledge, I refuse to allow that to happen. Of course bad things are going to happen to us. We’re alive, that’s just how it works. :) The ability that we have all been blessed with, to choose to be consumed with joy from the small things in life and not to focus on the “life” things in life, is a gift that I think we all need to take advantage of. We have the ability to be strong individuals. We just have to choose to be happy. I will always be happy. So…always be happy. Life is good, Dog! ;)

Oh, Happy New Year, btw!! :)