In the beginning, she sat there quietly... In fear of what to do, she did nothing. She waited quietly for the moment to pass, and in turn, she wasted every gift she was given. She was so focused on what she was convinced she couldn't do that she never accomplished the tiny milestones in front of her. She never grew. She only fled. In her fleeing she learned only what it meant to feel insufficient and unworthy. She learned the feeling of inadequacy, but not to the point for it to stir her to action...only to scare her further into a shell...further into a cage. I'll never understand why, but she never gave herself to the talents God had put in her. On that note, she halted every the action of giving anything to God.
Well, God, I'm here now. I want what you have for me, and I want the talents you have blessed me with. I want the desire, the passion, and the love that I once was saturated with. I pray now for that fire, that drive, that thrill. I ask for that unquenchable thirst for knowledge and depth to take over my mind. I wish to be filled with wisdom and prayers beyond my years. And, I wish to live separately, even from he who I am closest to on this earth. I crave, Lord, for individuality, for words to consume me in the most meaningfully way possible. I want to be taken away.. I want to be reminded of how badly I want that. I want to soar...both mentally and emotionally. Spiritually, I want to go beyond this whole world. I want to be LOST in love with everything about you. So much so that when I focus on it...I don't even know what earthly love is. I want that thing that I used to write about...that place that I used to know. I want my prayer meetings to consist of drunkenness in the Holy Ghost. I want to get there through worship. I want to be taken away with and by an adoration that fills my every thought with you. Lord, I want to love you...like I've never loved you before. Give me the strength, and the boldness, to never run from what you've given me. Give me the confidence to continuously take steps forward, and to complete each task and milestone you set before me. Father, let it be so. In Jesus' name.
