When I Looked At the Stars.

Oh but to be surrounded by this glorious creation that consumes every area that my eyes have the pleasure of using their vision on. I can see it all the time, but it takes all the time to really see it. To be taken away by the stars, the trees, the water...lost in amazement caused by the beauty He's created. That's where I am right now. I'm in love with everything around me and everything around me is filled with His love. He created it with me in mind because He loves me....He created this place for me. This beauty, this wonder, this place I call home...it's all by Him and it's all because He wanted it so. This earth, this life, that darkness that once intrigued me and this glorious light that consumes me....He made it for you too, you know. He made it for us. He gave us this place to see what we could do with it. He knows that our small powers could never effect the true beauty of it all....He knew there would never be a deficiency of beautiful things for us to be taken back by. He created all of this, the things we see, and the things we don't; the things we feel, and the things we care not to. He gave it to us for love....He gave it to us to see what kind of love could be returned. But, how can we even begin to consider repaying Him for these things...when we can't even think straight for the amazingness that overtakes us? You see, He's created so much beauty that He Himself got consumed in it and forgot we couldn't see it all. That's why He gave us friends and family...to show us the other beauty in the world. He created them to show us the beauty of emotion...love, happiness, and even hate and sadness. They all have an intense beauty about them...we can never understand it all. No matter how much we give of ourselves, we will never be able to repay Him for what He's allowed us to see. Because we can't see all He's put before us...it's impossible for any human being to see all the beauty of the world. And though it may be a hopeless endeavor, I intend to do everything I can to see as much of it as I can and to show Him that His creation, which displays so much beauty and love, is more amazing than anything I could ever dream or hope for.

Did Anybody Else Know a Slug Has Four Noses?

If I didn't love it so much, I'd almost be tired of deepness. There's just so much of it in the world and it never ends. I never want it too. There's so much to write about, yet my mind refuses to let it all come out separately. Everything wants to pour out of me at once to where I can't understand what I'm thinking. I need to write. I have to, to keep my sanity. It's because it's kind of who I am. This is some of me on paper. It's weird...reality shows its self to me through the words on this screen.
The best picture in the world is one where a hot dog is flying through space and the world is behind him. It makes me wanna be a hot dog. :) I'd like to leave the world behind for a bit and just fly through space. Although this hot dog looks pretty terrified, he has no idea what kind of opportunity he has to grow! He's out there, all by himself. He's got all the time in the world just to think and to let his beautiful surroundings consume him...he has no choice but to do that. :) There could be a lot of learning had for him with the whole world behind him and no longer keeping him bound. From the picture, that doesn't seem to be his main concern. It would be mine.
I like my friends. :) I'll tell you about them in my next post.

Dos Noches Ago :)

Internet is down, brain is on. There’s so much I want to write about. There’s so much and yet, there’s nothing. I feel that I should just constantly be writing and that somehow it would take me deeper into thought and spiritual reality than I have been. But then, I never know what to write about. If I do ever write, it always ends up being stuff like this pointless nonsense that I’m sharing with you now. It’s rare that I get a good thought…but sometimes it does happen. I love contradictory sentences...they’re so hard not to laugh at. Oh, so much in my life is contradictory….. Oops. I took a second to read what I wrote and now I forgot where my brain was going… Ugh! I did it again! I’m feeling a bit schizo tonight…I don’t think I like it, I’m trying to focus. I’m focusing on nothing because there’s nothing to focus on, but there’s so much to think about that I have to focus on something. There’s so much to LEARN. I don’t know why this random thirst for knowledge has been engulfing me lately…. Guess it’s my theme for the week…or something. Contradiction. It’s a wonderful word that causes discontent and confusion. I hate being confused…I’m okay with being lost…but I can’t stand being confused. I’m contradicting again. To quote a friend, “My mind is in a pretzel!” It’s not the kind with sugar and cinnamon on it either….it’s like an old, salty one that’s in the bottom of a trash can at the Paddock mall and has chewed 5gum stuck to it. ....Okay eww, my brains not that gross. It just gets twisted up and contorted weirdly every now and then…like a pretzel. I’ve made myself hungry. Obviously I’m a little scatterbrained tonight. At least I’m here. I like it here. It’s so comfortable and perfect. I’m exactly where Jesus wants me to be. It’s pretty great.
I feel like there needs to be something real said in this post…something that matters. What that thing should be though, I do not know. It’s a big deal to me for everything that I do to matter. I hate doing something for nothing. I want everything I do to have a purpose. I hate just using time to spend it. Though I waste time constantly, my desires *contradict* those actions. I want to be something; I want to affect someone or something. I don’t want my life, or anything in it, to be pointless. It’s like in prayer. I’m constantly telling God that I don’t want my time spent with Him to simply be time spent. I want it to be a time of growing and of giving of myself. I want it to mean something. I ask that it would mean everything, every time. Since I’ve prayed like that, I’m discontent with letting anything I do be without a legitimate purpose. That’s why I haven’t stopped typing…I’m waiting for my thoughts to finish pouring out so that I know what I’m thinking (That’s my purpose for writing.) Anyhow…God loves me…He loves you too. You should spend some time with Him….I need more time with Him. I mean...more than just time…okay you’ve read this far, you know what I mean. I think I’ll go chill with Him for a bit and tell Him how cool He is. Peace dawgs!

The Night My Brain Got Lost In Thought

Intensity. Creativity. Beauty. They're all the same thing to me. They are portrayed in everything that is good in this world. I like indescribable things. Big things...I like admiring things that are bigger than me, more than me. Things like knowledge. It's huge...it's beautiful and it's so intense. It's something that captivates me....something that I want. I want to know what's truly going on around me....not just know what my eyes see. I like knowing what the meanings are behind pictures...not just seeing pretty colors on a canvas. I enjoy thinking, when I have the time to participate in it. Everyone has their own tales of amazement and incredible things they've seen that take up the space in their mind, and each person finds what they have seen to be the most amazing thing in the world. They want to share it with the entire world, but they can't because God only allowed them to see that specific thing with that specific amazement for themselves. Everybody else sees things in their own way and is amazed by the things God makes amazing to them. It's quite an interesting idea.
People always say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...it's actually in the hands of the Creator. Everything He created is beautiful in one way or another. Whether or not I see the beauty of something doesn't matter. He sees it because He created it and He knows it all. He knows everything....He's cool. He allows us to see the beauty of nature, the beauty of humanity, and the beauty of love. But He only allows some people to see the true beauty behind those things. Certain people can see whats beyond normal beauty....they can feel God's creation and experience it deeply because that's how He intended it to be for them.

They're all different. People, that is. That's one of the things that make us beautiful. None of us see, think, or feel exactly the same. I would prefer to have the mind of a psycho(some say I do;). Not the freako killer kind of psycho...but the kind of psycho who sees and thinks in an almost dangerous way. One who thinks differently and quickly, and who can only be understood by the extremely educated. I'd love to explore the thoughts scattered and crowded in the mind of someone like that...I can only imagine how fascinating that would be. I think being lost may be one of my favorite things in the world....there's something spectacular about not knowing what's next and being consumed by something that you have no previous understanding of. That's why I like thinking..I do it when I can. I like to let it lead me to weird places...there's just so much to learn! There's so much I'm going to explore...I'm really enjoying this whole "life" thing. It gets you thinking.

You've Hear This Before :)

It's amazing, the places your mind can go when you walk in the presence of God. The conversations and revelations that occur can completely blow your mind. Being around Godly people can help to change who you are. I know everybody always talks about how who you hang around influences who you are.....but I've never really taken it seriously until I started spending time around truly good people. See, for me, I was always around the same few people. I got lucky because God made a way for me to completely get away from those people and I had the opportunity to start all over with my life and relationships. I've found myself with the opportunity to choose new friends. I've had several kinds placed before me. Several people are now here for me, wanting to be close to me. I haven't really been putting a filter on it until now. I've just been sucking up all the attention I can get and enjoying myself as much as possible with as many new friends as possible. But, as I pray more, more opportunities to be around good people are being presented. I'm feeling the affects that it has on me when im around them. It wasnt until I was around the good people that I realized that there were other people that had a bad affect on me. It wasn't that I was hanging around bad people. There's just been opportunities for me to be around people that aren't in the right vein that God wants me to be in. I'm not sure that im making sense here...but it's just what's flowing in my mind. Being around Godly people is important for anyone...no matter who you are. No matter how prayed up or spiritual you think you are, you can always be influenced. I know from experience that being badly influenced doesn't always come from being around bad people...sometimes its just from being around people that are not the RIGHT people for you. It's important that you pray for God to lead you to the right people. It's not healthy mentally or spiritually just to hang around or talk to anyone that comes your way. Let Him lead you and listen to His still small voice when He tells you who you shouldn't be around...I promise, if you do it just once or twice, you'll feel a major difference in your prayer life and your general happiness. :)

Yes, I know there is No Point toThis Post... :)

Why do I write at night? Why is it so late every time inspiration decides to attack me…? When I need it the least is when it decides to flood every corner of my brain and not allow me to sleep. Here I am again, writing…at least it's only like 1 this time…. Whatever, im thankful for the desire to write no matter what time it hits me. I know im not the best writer in the world, but I'm thankful that God’s at least given me the gift of enjoying it. He’s so good… I mean for real, God is cool. He’s definitely my favorite anything that was something and/or everything. Yeah…I love Him. He’s my bestiee forever, for sure. My arm is tired from holding itself up to type. See, I'm laying in my bed and typing with one hand while holding my head up with the other. This is the closest position to getting comfortable that I can get into and still be able to write. IM SO TIRED!! I just want to sleep, but my mind wont shut up! I kinda don’t want it to though, there’s some really interesting thoughts flowing through it. Some crazy things, some pointless things, some lifechanging things, obviously some serious things…they’re all flooding my mind. Oh, and there’s Algebra. Blech. It’s taking over a big portion of my mind and time. Thankfully, I have God, otherwise Algebra2 might be the one thing that finally pushes me over the edge and causes me to commit suicide, or another murder of some kind. Yes, praise God for Him…I’m glad He made Himself exist. Okay, the pain in my arm has now reached my shoulder and it’s brought me to the brink of tears….I’m going to take a break….
…Okay, so it’s more than a break. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight. :)