Life Is Real. Death Now Seems Even More Real.

Late this afternoon, I was riding through Ocala with my best friend. We were in the midst of screaming our lungs out to Bon Jovi's classic, "Livin' On a Prayer" when we discovered that one of the three lanes of traffic was completely stopped and the other two were extraordinarily slow. As we approached what seemed to be some kind of accident, I saw several people standing at a distance from a parked car. The driver of the car had just stepped out of his vehicle with his head in his hands, tears in his eyes, and a quickness to his voice. I can only imagine that there was quickness to it, I could only see the movements of his terrified looking lips, I couldn't actually hear his voice. After taking in the scene, we slowly approached an area where we could see the front of the parked vehicle. There, lying in the street, was the body of a man. He lie face down on the cement, his arms twisted backwards, and a small amount of blood trickling out from underneath him. The moment where we drove by seemed to last forever. The pedestrians, still keeping their distance, stood with hands over their mouths and looks of horror on their faces. Finally, an older man approached the body and slowly took hold of his wrist. The look he then gave to the driver of the vehicle was enough to make it clear to all those who saw that he found no heartbeat. The man who laid in the street, whose contorted bicycle lied in pieces a good ten feet away, was dead. Me and my friend turned off our music, said a prayer, and continued to drive. We were later informed by others we knew that passed the accident that the man had indeed died. Though no cops had arrived yet, and there was no way I could know for sure when we drove by that the man had passed, the scene I had just witnessed made an imprint on my mind that I don't think I'll ever be able to remove.
To be honest, I'm not sure if I would want it to be removed. Yes, it was horrible, sad, and I will probably have a nightmare or two about it tonight. But, the value and reality of life was revealed to me tonight in the faces of those who I can assume had just watched that man lose his life. I was just going along being as happy as I could make myself, when I saw what will make me view my life and the lives of those around me differently. Death is a real thing. I've never had anyone really close to me die. Other than at funerals, I had never seen a dead person. I saw today that there are more horrible things that happen every day in this world than just my personal problems. Unsaved people die every day. Hundreds of them. People who do no wrong, but go about their own every day lives, can so easily lose literally everything that they are in an instant...without knowing God. I could lose myself in any instant...without having told them about Him. Life is real. Death seems almost even more real. Death is the final deciding factor about someone's personal eternity. Where someone is spiritually when they die, determines where they are both physically and spiritually in the afterlife. How can I, as someone who knows the truth, withhold it from someone because I'm too focused on my own life to reach out? I pray that the man who died today goes to Heaven. I pray that someone somewhere had forgotten about their own life and problems long enough to witness to him. I pray to God that someone was less selfish than I have been, and cared about that man's soul enough to talk to him. I pray to Him that I become a willing tool. I pray to be used to bring the truth to people who don't know Him, and could so easily lose their chance to in an instant.

Alone In the Dark.

I like sitting alone in big dark rooms. It's hard to write though...I'm always worried someone will come in and see my light in the corner and instantly label me as a freak who sits alone in the dark. I don't know why I'm worried about that...I shouldn't be ashamed of my weirdness I guess. Maybe its not so much shame as it is laziness...I wouldn't want to use the words and brain power it would take to explain why I sit alone in large dark rooms. Its so peaceful in situations like this...and almost mysterious. Its huge, dark, and cold....I see absolutely nothing and I feel nothing except the ground where I sit and the wall on which I lean against. Yet, I know there is so much more to the room I'm in. I know there's chairs, tables, a soda machine, a stage....and a large air conditioning duct (I can hear it). Though I know from the familiarty I posses from being here before the approximate size of the room...it feels so much bigger when I'm here and I can't see it. It feels like there's more to it than the chairs and tables...like there's more here. There's darkness here. Its interesting because it provides such a great opportunity for light. The darkness opens my mind and I see more than I do with my eyes open to flourescent bulbs. I see my own thoughts and I see things from my imagination. I see the world and different things in it. I see words, and I put them down on record. Why? No reason I think...just get them out and to allow a flow of more thoughts. The darkness is cold and feels pure. It feels that nothing can get to me...nobody or situation could ever find me. Most girls are afraid of the dark...I think I'm finding sanctuary in it. Its easier to talk to God here. In the dark where I'm alone and nobody can see or hear me...I can feel His presence clearly and communicate with him on a softer and more intense level. I'm not sure what that means, but those words seem to fit. I can hear better and experience emotion more calmly and deeply. Its relaxing, but not to the point of bringing drowsiness. Its pretty much perfect...here in this room. Its just me and God here. Nothing's pulling me away. Yeah for real, this is legit. ;)