I've Figured Myself Out! Kinda..

I wanna be a doctor, a therapist, an artist, a social worker, and a musician. I want to be a leader, a teacher, a minister, an architect, and a scientist. I would like to be a fashion designer, a writer, magician, and a librarian. I've decided what I want to go to school for. Ive figured out what I want to do with my life. I want to be a dreamer, a schemer, I want to make the world a better place. I want to be a singer, a surgeon, a painter, and a caretaker. I want to be a nurse, I  want to water plants, I want to fly planes. I want to be an astronaut and a sailor. I want to travel the world and write what I see. And I want to get paid for it! I want to, be a mom, a wife, a hard worker, and a lover. I want to learn everything that I can and be everything I can think of. I know what I want to do with my life, and it's everything....so don't say I have no direction. I have more direction than anyone. I can be anyone and anything! And I want to be all I can be. :)

Yummy. :)

Ahh the sweet taste of the first fruits of a mighty harvest. Though it be just a taste, but a drop of nectar on your tongue, you know the tree from whence it came is real and great. You are aware of what awaits after that first taste. For it was because of God, only, that you were put in the position to receive that taste. It wasn't on your own that you found this opened this door. It wasn't by chance that this came to be. It is a holy thing. It's after this first taste that you realize your true purpose as a child of God. The passion that you have requested is poured out in an overflow beyond explanation. Your purpose as a Christian is revealed, and, at that moment, nothing else in life matters. It's now that the lives of the people around you become the most important things. Their salvation suddenly becomes your top priority, and out of no where, a love, greater than your own, surges through and out of you in their direction. Your joy begins to spread amongst the lot of them, and a small light begins to ignite in their lives. When this is seen by you, you are overcome with emotion that you cannot contain, and can only be released through praise. You are overwhelmed because you know this tiny drop of nectar is not even close to the beginning of the harvest that will soon proceed. This drop, this beginning, it renews your hope. It renews your faith in revival, and sets you in a direction where only more will be achieved. You only pray that your passion continues, and that your desire for revival to ensue consumes you continually. You open up, with this first taste, the floodgates of apples, oranges, bananas, and other fruits that are so surely to soon meet you in your path. :)

It's Me and You...That's It.

      I prefer the easy path, just so you know. Truly, I would like nothing more for the world to just change it's course to revolve around me and make me happy. However....reality is something I hold high respect for. Reality keeps me grounded; it's what I need to stay alive. I'm sure, if it weren't for my love for reality, I truly would be the most selfish person alive. However, the reality is that there are other people in this world. People with greater needs than my own. People who are in a state of forced solitude, only because they aren't aware of what it means to be with Someone. I pity them because they don't even know they're alone....they don't even know the relationship with God that awaits them. He's there. He's here, and these poor people don't even know. This is what the reality of it all is. There are people who need Jesus. Yes, I'm aware that I'm a raging psychopath that probably needs more Jesus than anyone else in the world....but, reality is, it's my job to get it out. It's my job to shout it out as loud as I can. It is mine and your responsibilities to obtain a passion for the souls in the world that have not yet reached Christ. It's me and you...that's it. There really isn't anyone else to help these people who live so happily oblivious of the greatness that surrounds them every day. So, let there be a fire that consumes and obliterates our desire for the world to revolve around us. Let our personal worlds be consumed with a passion and love for souls like He has.  Let mine be anyhow...I think yours should be too, but that's just my opinion. I'm not one to judge ya if you don't wanna help save souls! ;)

To write a poem with more than words....more than thought or breath. With more than ordinary understanding. To write a letter without a solid meaning, only passion, only fire....only depth. To produce a document to confuse the readers...but, to organize and explain your own words to yourself. To understand the power of a human...of their words...of their actions, their emotions. Are these things that can be conquered? Can they even be asked in a literal way? To see with passion, instead of eyes...to love with fire, instead of a muscle. To give everything you have to something...so much so that you don't even own your own mind. To get lost in nothing....and feel, see, barge, and experience everything. To understand confusion, and crave the knowledge you can gain from it. These are previous things I crave. Precious things, I can't quite decide if I would want to share...surely I've earned the right to be selfish in this scene? Even if not, I wouldn't expect you to understand. To understand what it means to fall freely...into...it. To know what it is....this is something I don't know. All I know is that I do feel a pulling.  I can only pray that my heart continues to feel this. I pray that more than desire strikes me when my eyes once again open. I want to believe in the things which i've written about. Which I've lived. I want to believe it, and I want to see it. I want this reality, this clarity...this destiny, I was sure had been lost. I pray to wake to it. I pray to live to it.

Tortured Artist? Or Just Artistically Tortured...?

To be a tortured artist....
Is a capability every one of  us possess.
It's about that emotion that lies within...
You know...
Within that dimly lit, glass case way down inside of us.
 It's about that thing, those things, which we strive so hard to stay far from.
 They feel negative because of the darkness around them.
But the truth is, that's where our  artistic beauty lies.
It's actually right there.
In that dark place that we can never so easily find.
It's that place where feelings are kept.
Where love we didn't know existed is stored,
 and where pain...long forgotten...still lingers faintly.
It's here that we find our inner artist.
Just here is where what's real is shown.
It's here, where you almost feel tortured...
But, it's only here, where your craving for passion can be satisfied.
It's deep down, hidden in this case,
Where you can finally be real.
 Yes, it's here where your tortured artist stays trapped.
 But, it's also the place where you, yourself, are free the most.
The things in this case may no longer attack you....
But from time to time they might surprise you.
They'll surprise you with a memory that reminds you who you are...
Where you came from...
And where the possibility for you to go, exists.
 It's here where you feel like a person again.
Here where the tears are real, not only juvenile.
It's here where emotion is raw.
And here where the true beauty of life can be welcomed in.
It's here where that tortured artist inside you becomes soo strange.
Because no matter how hard he tries to express...
His emotions...
Not even to him, will they ever be truly explained.