My Heart's Truest Desires (Beyond the Abnormal)

I could never ask for a greater blessing...but I am.

I don't deserve more...but, He does.

Everything about Him is beautiful.

I want what He wants. I want to walk like He walks, and to talk like He does. I want to desire what His heart desires, and feel the things He feels. I want to live in what He thinks about. I don't want the things I've wanted my whole life anymore; I just want Him. I want everything there is to Him. I could never ask for more than what I already have...but, I am. I could never ask to go deeper than where He's already allowed me to go...but, I am. I could never ask to feel more love than what He's already shown me...but, I want more. I want it to consume me. I want to be consumed. I want to go beyod the normal. >Actually, I want to go beyond the abnormal.< The desired thing in church these days is to be abnormal and giant. I want to go beyond that...I want to be insane. I want to go deeper than what the everyday uncommon person goes. You have the normal christians who love God, go to church, and fit into a mold. Then you havet those who worship with their whole hearts, act a bit fanatic, and pray every day. Those are the ones that are striving to be different, or abnormal. I show them the highest respect. But, I want to be separated from even that. I want to be separated from the already separated. I don't want to mix in with the other abnormals. I want to be written off and ignored like a crazy person would be...I want to be alone. I want to go deeper than I can even imagine. I want to live underneath even the deepest part of praise, worship, and prayer. I want to go farther than simply being alone with Him. I want to be alone IN Him. I want to be intimate with Him, and to feel Him and audibly hear His voice in my ear. I want our hearts to be united and beat to the same rhythm. I want to be consumed, body, soul, mind, and spirit.I'm not just saying that to say it...I want all that I am to be everything He is. I want to be with Him, apart from everything else.

I almost wish I didn't have a human mind. I wish I could just always think about Him, and nothing else.I wish nothing else in the entire world ever mattered to me. Ultimately it doesn't, but I was created human; that comes with a love for this world and the people and things in it. But, I wish I didn't have to think about it. It's funny, even the good things in life seem to keep me at a distance from God. Emotions like happiness, excitement, joy, and love are blessings indeed, but they all take up a part of my mind that I wish could just consumed by Jesus. I'm so unbelievably thankful for every single thing in my life. All the blessings He's given me, the love He's allowed me to experience, and even the pain, I am thankful for. But sometimes, I wish I was just an angel. I mean they've got the sweetest setup! The only reason they were created is to love God. Their only purpose is to worship and serve Him wih everything they are. They don't have the choice not to...and they don't desire that choice. I sometimes wish I didn't have a choice. I know that we're ultimately created for the same reasons as angels...but, we have to chose to do it. We have to make a choice every day to do exactly what God wants. I wish He would just take control of me and force me to live like He wants me to. In my heart, I want to. I want nothing more than to live for the purpose of holding God's hand, and to never think about anything else. But, it's a fight every dayto stay close to Him. It would be easier if He would just take control and make me into the person I feel inside my heart. But, He's a gentleman...and He gives us the opportunity to become that on our own. I love my Jesus. I just want to be more in love with Him. I want to be lost in Him every day, and I want to get so lost in prayer that I never find my way back. I want to get so deep, that I can't even see the world. I want to go so far, that I can't even see human love. All I want to see is what He sees and to love is what He loves. I want this for everybody. I want us to be where all we can do is what He wants to do! I don't wanna have a choice, I just wanna be in Him. I want us to fall so far in love with Jesus...that all of this becomes a complete reality in our lives. I want to be more passionate. I want us to love people how He loves people, not how our flesh loves people.I want us to operate and reach out in what He wants, not what we want. Help us to be passionate. Let us have the desire to go beyond even the abnormal. In Jesus name.