What to Write, What to Write....No Masks!

It's 2:48 a.m. on August tenth two thousand eleven. I'm sitting here with my laptop trying to think of what I should write about....I like writing. :) I was going to transfer another old document I found on here, but I don't feel like remembering anything right now. Not that it's bad memories...the document was about something very good that happened in my life. I just don't feel like living in the past tonight... I want to talk about something fresh. Like Subway. Not really, I don't want to talk about Subway... Well, I didn't, but now I'm thinking about it and it's making me hungry. Anyways. Freshness. :) My new theme lately has been one of "No Masks". I'm realizing how much of our lives we as humans mask. It's not always done intentionally...but it's done constantly nonetheless. Geeze... I almost feel like I'm wearing a mask now. See, I told a few more people about my blog, and now I can't help but think about what you guys are thinking about it what I write. It affects the way I bring my thoughts accross when I know somebody might read my words. I generally like to keep my "deepness" and emotions in my head...away from prying eyes...or ears. But anyways, if you read this, pray against that for me and lets hope together that I have the courage to continue to really be me while I write. 'Cause after all...this isn't for you. It's for me...and Jesus. :)) Back to my "No Masks". I hate being around people who aren't comfortable in their own skin. I can tell when certain people have secrets or don't feel like they can really let out their inner personalities in public. A lot of times I think people are just shy. I think some people are just ashamed...of what, I don't know. I think it's silly to hide any part of you. But, I know I do it too. Even after I realized how much I hate masks, I've caught myself living behind one. I usually slap myself out of it, but I will admit that it does still happen. I like being free...no thoughts of others...no restraints. I loveee being myself. It's really hard to do that sometimes. If you've read my previous posts, it's obvious that I've been loosed from some weights. Since then, it's been easier to be myself. I'm not constantly thinking about one thing anymore...my mind can do what it wants and my heart can easily follow the path God wants it to follow. It's so incredibly liberating. I wish there were words to explain the dramatic feeling of completely losing yourself in your hearts truest, deepest desires. That's what comes when you're TRULY yourself. When you have no masks...you're free in every way. I keep catching myself thinking while I'm at church...wondering who's watching me. I worship when I'm with Jesus. I guess it's a natural thing to think about what people around you think when you do that? I definitely don't worry about them thinking I look crazy...I've given up on that. lol. Now, I just think about others thinking that I do what I do for show. I worry about the people that know of my recent past and I wonder if they're thinking I'm being fake. Those thoughts impact me greatly and make me want to slow down....then I realize that by slowing down, I'm just giving into a mask. Part of me tells me that when I slow down, I will show the others that I'm actually humble...or something. I constantly have to remind myself that it doesn't matter. I'm not out there for them at all anyways, so why do I care if they think I'm doing it for show? I have to ask God to take away every mask and to let me worship and pray and live according to exactly what He's making me feel in my heart. It's an extremely difficult thing to do, but acting 100% by what you feel (when it comes to anything good or related to Jesus) is the most rewarding thing you could ever allow yourself to do. It opens up realms and shows places of desire in your heart that you didn't even know about...it opens up the real you, and for me, I realized how much I love to worship. I realized how much I truly love God and being in His presence. By simply not caring, I learned that I've never cared about anything more than what my heart truly loves - Jesus. I learned that when I fell in love with other things...and became sightly distant from God, I never fell out of love with Him. By having no masks in my spiritual life, I'm free. It's incredible...it's beyond incredible. It's freedom, plain and simple.
By having no masks socially, I've made so many new friends and I've deeper connections with my old ones. There's certain people that I have been involved in situations with that my flesh tells me I shouldn't like, or that I should even hate a little. If I had a mask on...I'd do just that. By not holding back the truth, I show myself, that I really don't care. My heart's not really angry and I don't really hate anybody. By being who I am in my heart, I'm free from all conflict. Well...currently anyhow. lol. Living with no masks is a wonderful life...the entire universe should take my advice. :)